Journey to love
As I wake up this morning a story dance in my mind… I have been reading stories after stories of love and the interaction between people and the following story emerge on my mind.
There is this girl, who had a quiet mother, who was in an abusive relationship with a man who has an alcohol problem. They have many children and one child journey to love story come through.
This child grows up in an uncertain environment. She is a natural thinker and introvert that ponder life and people action and inaction through her high school life. Love is something she never thought she wanted or have from a man.
One day she met a man Mr X who she has chemistry with but she did not understand this feeling. Somehow they connected but this man is not a nice man to her from the beginning. She did not know what love, lust or attraction was. She did want to see what this chemistry mean to her.
There was no real relationship but in her mind, she thought it was a relationship. Until one day she met this other man Mr Y. Mr Y like her from the first moment, he met her but she did not know that. She had a moment of recognition but she did not think much about it and dismiss it.
At this moment after they met Mr Y persuade her. Out of nowhere, Mr X man shows up, trying to engage with her with the intention of asking for her money. She gave him money. What happened next was her blessing. One event while Mr Y was driving her home, she was on a call with Mr X. Mr Y purposely said something to scare Mr X away. It worked and Mr X got upset and never show himself to her again.
Soon after she and Mr Y became a lover. As a person who has no experience with love, she did not respond to him when he said he needed to go in his cave for a few days. She did not mine or worry about that. If he does not want to contact her she did not care or made any effort to do so at the beginning of the relationship.
In ways he was the first person that teach her to love, she did not know how to express herself, to allow love to flow to her, give and receive love. He taught her a little part of love.
She was looking for unconditional love. The love that books and stories have written about. But in her search, she did not see, moments of this unconditional love he has given her. She only sees that moment he was not expressing the love she wanted.
Their love was good until when he needed love and support, she did not know what to do to help him. She just tries to supporting quietly at a distance. Giving him space and just watching him. His own destruction killed the relationship. She did not know how to get him out of the dark place and so that was the beginning and the end of their relationship. She is now pregnant with an unborn child picking up what he had left behind. She did not want this mess that he left, but there was no other choice for her.
As she was a thinker she understands him, Mr Y, so well but did not know what to do to express her love to him. All this time he did most of the move towards her but when he need to see support and love she did not know what to do. Because love is not her strong point. All she sees is how to be like her mum, holding in everything and being strong, not showing affection. Even though inside she loved him dearly.
She did not want to blame him for his action that hurt her so much. It because she understands and traces where his mind was at.
Soon she gave birth to her first child. Her mind was still unsure of what is happening and what has happened. But she did what she can with her troubled mind.
Her child soon became her world. Even watching this child gave her joy seeing this child so pure innocent and full of life gave her power. The love this child have was amazing and she began to see and understand love. Love grows in her, understanding what love means and how to give love came more and more naturally. This child has taught her how to love and deepen her understanding of it.
In reflecting on this story, it is a blessing to her in all events that she could not see at that time. Thanks, Mr X, who opens the door to Mr Y to enter her life. Yes, he was not the best person at the end of their relationship but he gave her a taste of love. He started her growth and journey to love. It a petty he was not patient or strong enough to see her grow and blossom.
There is a great lesson in all relationship and interaction a person has. Some can say she could have saved her relationship if she knew better but she didn’t. On the outside, you can say that both Mr X and Y is not a good person. It may be true but there is goodness in all bad or good situation. Every hurtful action Mr Y has done to her, she can explain in her mind.
That her power, she reaches into a person mind and seeks to see why they act the way they do. She knows he was disappointed in himself, in his work, he thinks he can not make her happy so he leaves. Doing hurtful thing to make her stop loving him so be can leave. It may not be the right way to her or others but we don’t know what a person mind is like.
We all have done silly things that we look back on and we think we should have done it better. But at that moment that the best solution you can come up with in that clouded mind. So be easy on you and be easy on others.
It does not excuse his action but if you don’t know better, can we really finger point? I see in her case and his case they did not have the knowledge and teaching they need to deal with life. We all have different personality background and experience. All this teaches us, guide our action. There is no manual to life. We sense our way in this world. So I see and understand why people do silly and hurtful things. It is a shame because it has great potential like many ended relationship out there.
In this story what a person think effect their reaction, one chooses what to think. She is a beautiful girl who seeks to understand and show compassion. In a way, she did truly love him. She did not react but let him be. She quietly wishes he would see pass everything and see her love. But her clouded mind, insecurity about his love towards her, her worth to him and distance herself from him.
She is happy now as her daughter brings her tremendous love and joy. Nothing can compare to that.
In reflection, he was her hero and her villain. He pushed the other person away, giving her a moment of unconditional love, what she wanted but she did not see them or hold onto them. Taught her to communicate, interact with people and did actually loved her. The best thing was giving her a child to hold and loved. The scar of the breakup is there but it has healed with compassion.
There is really not a bad story but a good one. It depends on you what you want to see. Yes, she can see his hurtful action and resent him but she chooses to see the love in him and only remember moments of joy and happiness. If seeing other acts of love, revenge does not exist.
I see stories of revenge resulting in parent death or great losses of something kind but it all turns sour. It is an endless cycle of revenge and hatred. Where love shine peace exist. Move to love and light see through the darkness and you will be much happier.
