Is loving yourself selfish? Is self-love overrated? Love is an amazing thing that everyone seeks. Some can say they have found true love others are still searching. But the secret is self-love is your true love. Who understands you more than you? In many cases, the only thing that is missing is your love for yourself.
The Beginning
It all starts with our parents. As amazing as they are. As we grow up their opinion and command are not as strong as it uses to be. Questions raise within us. The image of that amazing being is not so much anymore. There is something so fragile about them that make them human. Growing up question my parent and the life I am living I ponder a lot.
We catch ourselves taking on small habits of our previous generation. The same circle is playing itself again. It can be anything like enjoying certain food as they do. Maybe having the same temperament or thought as they do.
Incorporate the norm
It is natural that we incorporate habits and taste and even thinking like either one of our parent or both. Looking through my history, I see why my parent turns out the way they do and why I am the way I am. As a wondering child, questions of human nature has pondered me in many ways as a human in the current environment or traditional environment. We unconsciously embrace focus of our weakness. Strength was good, but it did not play more important then weakness. We remember people weakness in action more then we recall strength in action. We celebrate the act of cruelty posted through news, and social media, while kindness and goodwill are not remembered or celebrated as much. I am the pinnacle of this society. Yes, I have good memories but for some reasons, those harmful bad moments have a slightly stronger connection within me. We can talk on and on, on topics where people have done me wrong. Amazing people who are heroes in their way does not get the same level of attention.
I question society mould and hold on us. Yes, we have gone far but the fundamental of being a human or dealing with oneself, our relationship. We as a community or society or a family unit has missed something by exploring my world and connecting with other people world. I see within myself and other one fundamental issue.
Relationship within yourself
The relationship with ourselves is not important. Well, seem to take a back seat to everything else in life. It’s not anyone fault; there is no one to blame as we are taught from generations self-bashing or self-sacrificing people. Mentally we are unkind to ourselves. What we are thinking and saying to ourselves made us down. These skills have been taught down from generation after generation of miserable people. The skills of seeing the worst in people and especially ourselves have been pass down from generations after generations. I remember the focus was on what you cannot do and they were to cool for little achievement. The idea that woman can do certain jobs this old way of thinking was pass upon me. All these negativities and restriction unconsciously passed down.
You can’t do this; you can’t do that. Why do you do this? What wrong with you. And the classic look at that person son or daughter look what they are doing… see how good they are… The constant comparison between you and another was degrading. It feels like we are living for others. Trying to please them to make them happy and our happiness is left aside.
The strange and funny thing is we volunteer to do this. Put ourselves aside for others happiness. It was our choice, but we did it happily in most cases. Looking back, I do not regret a thing, not all these experiences. This is because it makes me who I am today and sees where I have gone wrong. It teaches me to think, to be a better me. The one things it gave me was a love for people and myself.
Why not let love lead us?
This fundamental understanding of our current situation leads me to think that self-love is not overrated. Self-Love is an amazing healer through my exposure to pain and unhappiness. I see why being easy on oneself can give to you. Why beat yourself up for not doing well. Why pay that drowning tune over and over in your head? what does that do? Nothing but make you a victim of yourself. Yes, you made that mistake woohoo, now you know what to look for. Yes, you something terrible whatever that could be. You learn from it and so what. You have learnt that great lesson, and it is time to move on and ask what is next? That is the question you should ask. I can say I have not done many terrible things in my life, but I did have a lot of unhappy incidents in my life that brings me down. With a drunk father, life was never dull. My early adult life was also interesting too. My life was colourful. I had a lot of lessons, so does many people. I know because our problem is so much bigger and worse than anyone else. We get it. I have a choice in my reaction to any incident.
Realisation
I understand now; it was all me. The love I was looking for through my parent was not exactly how I wanted for me. The love I look upon others was too much to ask for them. I know it was me who needed to love me. The love I was looking for was within me all along. My true unconditional love was me. Train yourself to love and understanding for yourself. We can give it to others but not ourselves. That sound wrong to me.
I look at most situations this way, at that moment in the state of mind you are in, that the best solution or action you can come up with. Whatever the result at that time that was best for you. You know now what you would do better in the next similar situation. Try to move on think of what makes you happy, put on some music or go on a walk.
You are always in a relationship with yourself; it is an inescapable relationship. You are the only person that understand yourself and have everything in common with you. It a match made from heaven. I only see one option. If I have been with myself forever why not make it work and be your own best friend. Start creating a beautiful, loving relationship with yourself. Be forgiving and caring. This is because when you are happy in love, the world is so much sweeter, full of joy, laughter. Who doesn’t want this? I know I do.
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